Who I'm Not
by TwilghtLionLamb
Summary: This is in a parallel universe, where Bella's dead and Edward is trying to move on, he's met someone new. She's fallen for him and is hurt easily. How can she handle being number two to a dead girl? And can he move on when he really loves Bella?
1. Meet Kari

Chapter One

Meet Kari

I was tired of competing with her. It was unfair to me and Edward knew it. I could tell when he'd compare me to her. I couldn't compete with a dead girl. I closed my eyes. I hated that I wasn't someone that I'd never even met. I hated that he wished I was her. I wasn't Isabella Swan and I was nothing like her. I'd seen the pictures to prove it. I didn't have Jasper's ability to feel emotions, but I always knew that every now and then when Edward would look at me it was in disgust or lust. I didn't compare to her. It hurt me to even think of her name.

I stood in front of my mirror and looked at my outfit for the day. My brown pinstripe shorts stopped mid thigh revealing my gorgeous, athletic legs. My black long sleeved shirt stopped right at my protruding hipbones and was buttoned up high enough to cover what needed to be covered and low enough to show off a little bit of my tan skin. My black hair was perfectly straight and came down right after my collar bones. My beautiful blue eyes were lined perfectly with heavy black eye liner. I looked perfect. I was rather modelesque, but I had curves in all of the right places. I'd trade it all in to be pale with brown eyes and brown hair. I'd trade it all in to look like her, to be her. I even had dreams that I was her. I closed my eyes and tried to pretend that I could be clumsy little Bella. It didn't work. I frowned and then picked up my orange patent leather Prada bag and stuffed my cell phone in.

I walked bristly down my marble staircase. My mother had been an actress since she was a kid and was now off in Hollywood shooting another film. My dad owned a record label in New York and I was stuck in our mansion in Forks, Washington. You would think that I would be somewhere glamorous, but no. "We want to keep you in my home town." Dear old mummy said. Really they just wanted to get rid of me. Money was no object for me. Everything I owned was Gucci, Prada, Dolce and Gabbana, Juicy Couture, or some other high end label. It all made me sick. I was spoiled and I hated every bit of it. I wanted some parents that cared about me, that told me no. When I was fourteen I got a tattoo on my left hip bone. I remember prancing around in my bathing suit in front of both of them and all they ever did was tell me that I should have gotten something else.

"Here are your keys." Ilse, my housekeeper and caretaker, said.

I grabbed the keys to my 1954 Triumph TR2. It was an old car. I loved it because of that. When I lived in Malibu all of the blonde bimbos had Mercedes or BMW convertibles. They all looked the same. My dad even attempted to get me one, but luckily Ilse reminded him that I liked older cars. It really wouldn't be necessary because I knew that the minute I walked out the door Edward would be there with his Volvo. I hated that car. I hated it because it was a constant reminder that Bella had been there before me and that I was not the one he wanted. I could have easily found another guy to date. The fact of the matter was that I loved him. I loved Edward Cullen. I wanted him to love me so much that I was willing to trade in everything about myself. I would gladly give him every part of me. I would gladly become what he was, but he'd never have me. I knew he'd never have Bella, but that was because he didn't want to take away her soul, he'd never have me because deep down he and I both knew that he didn't really love me. I clenched my fists and stopped the tears from coming. I hugged Ilse and walked out to see him.

He was leaning on the passenger door smiling up a storm. His bronze hair was blowing in the wind and his topaz eyes sparkled. I smiled upon seeing him and began to run to him. He picked me up and kissed my forehead before putting me in the car.

"Good morning Kari."

"Good morning Edward." I smiled. He drove swiftly off of my property to Forks high school.


	2. Looking Back

**Disclaimer: Oops I forgot this on the first chapter...well it's obvious that I'm not Mrs. Meyer.**

**A/N: Read, Review, and Enjoy.**

**I hope you guys like this story if you think it sucks, let me know and it'll be a click away from deletion. **

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_Last Chapter:"Good morning Kari."_

_"Good morning Edward." I smiled. He drove swiftly off of my property to Forks high school._

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Chapter Two

Looking Back

"Kari, you look great." Edward smiled crookedly at me and I chuckled. Edward often told me how great looking I was. It didn't really mean much to me. I really just wanted him to tell me that he loved me. I knew he wouldn't, because I made him promise to never lie to me.

I never knew what made him attracted to me. I knew I was good looking, but I was nothing like Bella. I didn't have that hidden beauty she had. I was beautiful in an obvious way, a way I didn't think Edward would have liked. I hated that about myself. I hated that I looked like teen royalty and I hated that everyone wanted to treat me like it.

I remembered when I first moved to Forks. When I was in Malibu it wasn't so hard to blend in with all of the other perfect teens, but here I might as well had a huge sign on me that said 'I'm new! Talk to me! Look at me! Ms. Center of Attention!' I hated moving to this town. I hated that my mom made me give up my kitty, DecayDance. She was my only true friend, until I met the Cullens. Alice was the one who came up to me. She hugged me. I looked at her and she was beautiful and nice. She seemed like we could actually be good friends, like she'd be honest. I knew that I could trust her, but I also knew something wasn't just right with her. Truth is they saved me. I was going to kill myself, but Alice and Jasper came to me before I could. They explained everything to me. I never doubted them once.

Alice told me that Edward and I would be together. It seemed impossible at that time. Every moment he saw me, his eyes would turn black and he'd clench his fists. I'd never seen anyone look at me with such hatred. It was as if I'd killed the love of his life. It was as if seeing me was killing him. Alice would invite me over and I'd refuse. She had to drag me there, literally. Carlisle and Esme were so nice and loving. I often wished they were my parents. The first time Edward saw me there he looked at Alice as if she was killing him. He stared me down and then ran out of the house faster than anyone I'd ever seen. I started crying right there. I couldn't believe it. I was in a house full of vampires and the one that Alice had told me would love me hated me. I never knew what it felt like to be loved and I didn't like someone trying to promise it to me, when it would never happen. I ran out of the house as fast as my puny legs could take me and I ended up running into him.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to follow you. I'll go." I turned on my heel, but one of his hands caught my arm and spun me to face him.

"You smell like her and I can't hear your thoughts, just like her." I didn't know who Bella was at that time. I wish I never knew who she was, no, I wish she didn't die. I could have easily gotten away with suicide. My parents would have turned it into some great press. No one would have cared. I sighed at that thought.

"I'm terribly sorry, really, I wish I didn't smell, or that I wasn't around to smell. I wouldn't have come if Alice wouldn't have forced me."

"Don't be. You are exactly like her, but exactly different. I fear this is a waste of time. I don't care what Alice says, I can't love anyone, but Bella and I can't betray her memory."

"Oh." It was inadequate, but it was all that I could say at the time. He turned to look at me.

"You're very beautiful and you're very sad."

"Can you read emotions too?"

"No, just faces and minds."

"And you can't hear mine?"

"No. I couldn't hear Bella's either."

"I remind you of her."

"Yes and no. Bella didn't look or act at all like you do."

"Oh." There was my inadequacy again.

"Then again maybe you do act like her." He tilted his head to the side and smiled a crooked smile. That smile made me weak in the knee's even to this day. My heart rate increased and I was trying my best to calm it down. He looked at me with his eyes under his lashes, my heart rate doubled. He took a step closer to me and brushed his hand from my temple to my chin. I was surprised my heart didn't leap out of my shirt. He moved his face centimeters from mine and was about to brush his perfect lips to my pink ones, but he pulled back abruptly.

"This is wrong. I'm sorry. Let me take you home." I nodded. I was disappointed to say the least. I wanted him more than anything. The way he looked at me, like he loved me, like he wanted me, like he cared.

He drove up to my house.

"Money's not an issue then." He said approaching my gate.

"Money's never been an issue." I sighed at that truthful fact.

"You don't like having it."

"I don't like the way they spend it. I don't like the way you get treated when you have it. Like just because I could afford my own car I'm something special, or just because we can afford a maid we should have one. When we're all perfectly capable of washing the dishes we don't eat on and washing the clothes we never wear twice."

"There's more to you than meets the eye."

"Hah. I'm no saint. Trust me I've gotten into my share of trouble it just doesn't do anything, it doesn't change them. I know better though. I know that they won't change because of me. I know I can't make them do anything." I sighed again and looked down at my feet.

"You care too much?"

"They don't care enough. Why am I telling you this? You don't care either." I put my hand over his mouth to silence him before he spoke, "You can't be upset over losing something you never had." I threw on a weak smile and walked up to my house and entered the security code. I went inside and couldn't sleep the whole night.

I walked in every room and walked out of every room. I paced my room endlessly. I tried to read books or listen to music, but I couldn't focus. I felt like I was missing something, like something wasn't right. I couldn't put my finger on it. I didn't leave anything at the Cullens or drop anything in the woods. What was going on with me!? I changed into my bathing suit and decided I'd go into the hot tub.

I sat in my indoor hot tub and soaked in the warmth. It was nice to be in warm water, to be in a bathing suit again. I closed my eyes and I could see Edward's face again. The face of when he was going to kiss me, the same expression when I told him not to speak. Could he love me like Alice had seen? I opened my eyes and there he was.

"Couldn't sleep?" He asked.

"Nope and I'm guessing you couldn't either." I chuckled. He chuckled too and shook his head no.

"I could try to put the past away."

"I could try to be more like her." I whispered.

"No. I wouldn't want you to change anything about you. You're wonderful in every way. Any guy would be lucky to have you, really."

"Don't say things you don't mean."

"I don't."

"You'll never lie to me?"

"Never."

"Even if I need you too?" He thought for a moment and then shook his head no.

Emmett tapped my window awakening me from my memories.


	3. One Month, Two Month, Three?

**Disclaimer: obviously not Stephenie Meyer**

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to update. I want to thank all the reviewers and I really hope you continue to read, review, and enjoy this story! **

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_Last Chapter: Emmett tapped my window awakening me from my memories._

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Chapter Three

One month, Two month, Three?

Emmett and Rosalie always made me laugh. Any time he'd give any girl a look Rose would go crazy and hit him with her purse or the nearest object. I didn't know how they stayed together, Emmett was so much at ease and easy going whereas Rose was so uptight about things and her temper was crazy.

Emmett turned his eyes to admire my exposed calves and thighs and there was Rose, right on cue, hitting him with her purse. I laughed a small laugh and then Rose turned to me and gave me a glare and took Emmett's hand and made him run off to school with her. He shot us an apologetic glance.

Edward grabbed my hand and helped me out of the car.

"Daydreaming?"

"You could say that." I looked down at my feet, something I did when I was embarrassed, which was becoming very often. Edward lifted my chin with his index finger and kissed my forehead. My heart stopped immediately. I hated the way he had that effect on me, but it was something he obviously enjoyed, it must have been some part of Bella. Jasper walked up with Alice and gave me a questioning glance. He must have felt my pain. I slowly shook my head to tell him it was nothing. Alice ran up to me and squeezed me tightly.

"We're going shopping tonight."

"Alice, I already have plenty of clothes!"

"I know, I know, but remember tomorrow's you're three month anniversary you need something new and beautiful to wear!"

"Fine." I groaned. I hated shopping with Alice. I hated shopping period. My parents always made sure to buy me everything I needed, if they didn't do the shopping then Ilse did. We all walked towards the building. Everyone was staring again. Of course they would be, I thought to myself.

Oliver came up to me. He was about as tall as I was and had very pale skin. He had beautiful green eyes and brown hair that was disheveled. He was the "big" man here. He was the one that all of the other girls wanted to date, outside the Cullens, of course. He had a crush on me ever since I moved here and even when he saw Edward's hand intertwined with mine, he would still manage to find the confidence to hit on me. Edward couldn't stand him, but I feared it was just because that's what a good boyfriend would do.

"Kari! Do you want to be my volleyball partner?"

"Oliver, you don't have partners in volleyball."

"Oh right…" His cheeks reddened at his obvious embarrassment. "Umm… Do you want to go to the beach with me on Friday night?" I could see the hope in his eyes.

"Oliver I would love to, but Edward and I have a date set that night, it's our three month anniversary." I watched Oliver's eyes fall and Edward wrapped his arms around my waist and shoveled us forward. I felt bad for Oliver, it had to suck being second to Edward then again I was second to someone too. I sighed at that thought and Edward stared at me like he was trying to read me. He was obviously annoyed that he couldn't hear my mind.

"There are some things you'd rather not hear, trust me."

"I want to hear everything, even if it's something that I don't want to hear."

"Because that makes a lot of sense." I laughed and he walked me to my German III class. He kissed my forehead and reluctantly walked off to his Spanish III class.

"Guten Tag klasse!" Frau Munford said the minute I sat down. I was daydreaming and doodling all during class. Ilse was German and I knew how to fluently speak the language, I could go to Germany and be just fine. I started thinking of our first and second month anniversaries. I smiled at those memories.

Alice had come by and helped me get ready. I had told her it was completely unnecessary. I had gone on thousands of dates before, but she assured me that I would want her there. Edward had told me that I needed to wear a bathing suit and dress casual and comfortable. Edward had to keep everything cryptic and Alice would never let me in on what was going on.

I opened my closet and I had no clue on what to wear. I wanted something that wasn't too dressy, but still looked good. Alice had been right when she said I would want her there, my room was a catastrophe after I finally found a dress I could wear and Alice assured me Edward would like. It was a simple tube dress with a bow across the waist. It was a bright yellow that looked great against my skin.

"I need a bathing suit now!" I cried frantically as I looked at the mountain of clothes that were everywhere. "Alice where am I going to find one in all of this mess!?" She laughed at my anxiety and opened a drawer and pulled out my strapless white and green Juicy couture top and my matching skirt bottoms. "Thank you!" I yelped. I got dressed and hugged Alice frantically.

"You have another ten minutes to do makeup." Alice warned. I cursed under my breath and Alice pulled me into my bathroom and managed to get me looking great in five minutes. "It's all waterproof." I smiled and hugged Alice once more as Edward came knocking at the door.

That night was the best night I'd ever had. Edward took me out on a boat; we road out all the way in the middle of the ocean. It was so beautiful and so romantic. He had cooked me dinner and the night sky was perfect. The weather was beautiful and we both went swimming. When we were done we laid on the boat and wrapped up in each others arms and blankets—well for me.

"You are so beautiful." He whispered.

"You are so perfect." I whispered back. That moment was the first moment I wanted to tell him that I loved him, but I feared he would not say it back. I had made a conscience decision not to ruin that moment. We spent all night on that boat because my parents weren't going to be home and even if they were, they wouldn't have cared.

He kissed my forehead and my collar bones before finally touching his glorious lips to mine.

I thought nothing could beat that date, but our second anniversary was ten times better. Alice had also come over, this time with an outfit. It was a silver satin Dior dress. It crossed at the front and had a longer layer of fabric coming over my left knee. Edward took me out dancing. We went to a nice jazz club and Edward whirled me around the dance floor. After a night of dancing, Edward took me to the most beautiful place I'd ever seen. It was a part of the forest. Trees were around a small clearing and it was right at the edge of La Push. It was a small garden and flowers were growing everywhere.

He began trailing kisses up and down my neck and I lost the will to stand, I swooned and Edward gracefully held me before I fell and laughed silently.

"It's not funny!" I looked down at my feet chagrined. He picked up my face with his forefinger and made our eyes level before he spoke—inches from my face.

"If my coordination wasn't as improved as it is, your touch would make me weak in the knees too." His velvety voice enchanted me and I almost felt as if I would swoon again. His breath washed over my body and he crushed his lips to mine softly and swiftly. That was another moment that I couldn't ruin with an 'I love you' that he couldn't possibly return. I couldn't help but wonder what our third anniversary date would be.

"Kari…"

"Kari!"

"Kari!!!! Das ist nicht gut! Bezahlung Aufmerksamkeit! Schande auf Ihnen! " Frau Munford was pointing at my doodles and was clearly angry that I hadn't been paying attention. I quickly apologized and proved to her that I understood everything going on and she left me alone. The class was over sooner than it started and Edward walked me from class to class. Today was a good day; it was a day that he wasn't upset that I wasn't her. That made my day ten times better until I had gym.

Coach Forster was explaining to us that we weren't going to be playing volleyball any longer and that today we would start working on some self defense. There had been some disappearances lately in Seattle and the school board felt the need to help us get "better prepared." Oliver eagerly waved me over and made me his partner. What Oliver didn't know was that kick boxing and Tae Kwon Do was what soothed me. I knew all about self defense and I was unsure on if I should take it easy on him or beat some sense into him.

After fifteen minutes of Oliver hitting me hard enough to "impress" me and soft enough not to hurt me, it was his turn to suit up and let me whack him around.

"Come on, baby, give me all you got!" He wailed. Clearly so proud of his own moves that he didn't think any hit I had could faze him. I was so disgusted that he called me 'baby' that I put a sly smile on my face and decided this would be a great day. I hit him hard square in the jaw. I made a move to hit his stomach and he blocked it and wasn't fast enough as I hit him on top of his head. I kicked his knee causing him to lose balance and fall on the ground. I side kicked his head lighter now that he was weakened and on the ground. The smile from when we were partners was now clearly off of his face. He staggered as he stood and then I hit him—right in the middle of his face—I heard a crack and he fell backwards onto the floor. I had broken his nose and his left eye was starting to swell. Coach Forster blew the whistle and I told her I got carried away and hit him too hard.

"Oliver are you okay!?" I shrieked.

"Ohm…" he made a light moan and tried to nod.

"Let me take you to the nurse?" I asked. I had never been so embarrassed and ashamed in all of my life.

I helped him up and now all eyes were surrounding me and Oliver's bloody and wounded face. This would be something neither one of us would ever live down. After the nurse called Carlisle to come stitch him up school was already out and everyone, but Oliver and I had left.

"Kari can I speak to you please?" Carlisle's voice rang through my ears.

"Yes Dr. Cullen?"

"Please call me Carlisle; you did this all on your own?"

"Yes sir, he had…and I couldn't…and then…" I sighed trying to tell him to reasons to my inexcusable behavior. "I'm a black belt in Tae Kwon Do and I do kick boxing in my spare time. I know how to handle myself. I guess I just kind of got carried away." I looked down at my feet. I couldn't believe I did this to a kid.

"Hmm… I see. Well, there really is no sense in you staying here all night, his parents will be here shortly and he will be fine, his nose will heal and no major damage is done, his face will stop swelling in a couple of weeks or so. Not to mention I'm sure Edward would love to see you." His eyes sparkled as he said that. Did he not know that really all Edward would love to see was Bella?

"You're right I should go. Speaking of Edward have you heard anything about a date he's been planning?" Carlisle laughed and shook his head. I sighed and told Oliver how sorry I was for the umpteenth time and said goodbye.

How was I going to get home I hadn't brought my car, Edward picked me up. I cursed aloud and saw my car in the parking lot. _Edward. _I knew he must have done that for me. I smiled at that thought and went to the car with the keys in the ignition.

I raced home so I could shower and go see Edward.

Ilse had already retired to the guest house in my back yard and my house was empty. The floor clanked beneath my feet as I ran up into my bathroom. I showered quickly and let my hair air dry. I changed into something cute, but comfortable and ran down the stairs again. I paced my driving on the way to the Cullen home because I always missed the exit.

I found the exit and drove up to his glorious home. Alice walked out to my car.

"Kari! You found your car, I presume." I laughed.

"Yes I'm so glad Edward got it for me, I don't know what I would have done." Her smile dropped a little lower and I realized, Edward didn't leave the car, she did. "Oh well…thank you Alice."

"He's not here!" Hissed Rosalie from the porch. "He's in _their_ meadow visiting _her._"

I couldn't help myself and tears leaked from my eyelids. I would never be enough for him would I?

"Kari…don't cry… he's probably not there, I think he needed to hunt or something." Alice gave Rose a dark glare and carried me out of my car.

"Don't lie Alice!" I shouted.

"Shh…Kari calm down." I couldn't help it. All of my frustrations of not being Bella Swan were leaking out of my eyes. I had kept in the tears for so long.

"Take me to him." I whispered. Alice nodded her head slowly and drove me to a trail. She slung me on her back and ran towards a meadow. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, more beautiful than our garden.

"Kari!? What are you doing here!?" Edward glared at me and his eyes went black.

"What are you doing!? I'm sorry I'm not her! I'm sorry I'm not good enough! But I can't do this Edward! We can't pretend to be something we're not!" I yelled at him. His eyes softened and his expression changed.

"Don't be sorry, can I explain?"

"No. I don't need you to sugar coat anything anymore, I get it. You love her and you can never love me. I'm sorry Edward, I'm sorry that I'm not her and I'm sorry that I'm unconditionally in love with you." I turned and ran straight into Alice. Tears were streaming down my face and she drove me home.

I guess I'll never find out what happens on our third anniversary. I thought to myself and cried myself to sleep.


	4. Put the Past Away

**Disclaimer: Not Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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**A/N: Sorry for the long time inbetween updates! It will be a good while for my next update, I have camp coming up this Sunday. Sorry :**

**If you're reading my other fanfic _'Mistakes'_ I'll try to update that before I leave!**

**Thank you so much!**

**Read, Review, and Enjoy**

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_Last Chapter: I guess I'll never find out what happens on our third anniversary. I thought to myself and cried myself to sleep._

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Chapter Four

Put the Past Away

I was fast asleep as I felt something cold and hard wrap around my trembling waist.

"Car… please listen to me." Edward's velvety voice echoed through my ears. That voice that used to cause me pure ecstasy was beginning to tear at my insides; I couldn't stand to listen to him. Didn't he understand that I couldn't do this to myself anymore? I didn't blame him for not loving me, no one did, but I couldn't torture myself with the pain of never being good enough for the one person I loved. I tried to pull myself away from his grip, but his arms wrapped tightly around me.

"Kari, it was going to be a surprise for our third anniversary." He whispered and then let his grip loosen.

"What!?" I almost yelled. There was no way he'd take me there where her memory lingered, where her touch was, where the very essence of Bella existed.

"Kari. I do have strong feelings for you. I shared that place with her, long ago. I don't want to be…it's so hard to explain this…I don't want to be in all of this pain and you, you help me get rid of it…at times…"

"Edward, I'm not enough. Let me say the things that you can't, while you have "strong feelings" for me, you can't love me, and you can't give me your heart while it still belongs to her. I know that. I wish I was her. Heaven knows I've tried to pretend that my love was enough, but it's not and only God himself knows how much I love you, how much I wish I could turn myself into everything you wanted, but I can't Edward. I just can't."

I looked away from his golden eyes. I couldn't believe it; I had told him that I loved him, not in the midst of a perfect romantic moment, but in the middle of a fight! And here I was saying it again as if it meant nothing, as if it had been said millions of times before. I looked towards him again, his face was expressionless and I could feel hot tears about to stream down my face. I can't let him see me cry I told myself fighting the tears away.

"I don't want you to be her. Just when you were there today unexpectedly…I was trying to tell her…I thought that if I took you to our meadow, that it could turn into our meadow…as in me and you…" Edward was searching for words and it made him look as fallible as myself. I smiled at him being humanized for the moment. His words finally sunk in—he wanted to give me that meadow—he wanted to put the past away.

"Edw—" my voice hitched and he was beside me in a second and he pressed his lips to mine.

My breathing stopped and my heart stopped on contact. I could feel every place he was touching me. I could feel his arm around my lower back as he held me and his hand on the side of my neck. I could feel his body firmly pressed against mine. The electricity buzzing off of him was killing me inside. Suddenly it didn't matter that he never said he loved me, suddenly Bella didn't matter to me anymore, suddenly my faults weren't so exposed, suddenly I wanted Edward in a way I'd never wanted anyone before in my life and suddenly I was content with him just having 'strong feelings' for me.

Our kiss had become more passionate than any kiss had ever been. His boundaries within our kisses limit had been broken and our tongues were dancing in each other's mouths. Instinct wanted me to push him onto the bed, to hold onto him forever, but Edward pulled away before I could even think of doing anything. I blinked my eyes and he was across my wide room. I looked down at my feet.

"Edward, I'm sorry…"

"Quit apologizing for things you have no control over." His soft voice whispered.

I wanted to utter another apology and laughed at that. Here he was telling me not to say sorry and that's the only thing that popped into my mind.

"Kari Constanza, I'm sorry. I'm terribly sorry, for the way you must have felt this whole time, for the thoughts you must have had…" He was walking towards me again and we both plopped down onto the edge of my bed.

"Quit apologizing for things you have no control over." I repeated his words and a look of blame crossed his face. He had come here to make things right…or maybe he had come here, because it was the right thing to do, because of all of the guilt he must have had after hearing my words earlier that day. I turned away from him. I knew from earlier that these lingering thoughts no longer mattered, what mattered now was that Edward Cullen was sitting on my bed, in my room, uttering apologies.

I stifled a yawn and Edward pulled up to the top of the bed and tucked me in.

"Will you stay? Please." I knew it was something he had done with Bella, but he had never done it with me. He thought for a moment and a pained expression came across his face for the briefest moment and he laid down beside me, wrapping his perfect stone cold arms around me once more and I drifted off into a deep sleep.


	5. What Hurts the Most

**A/N: I just got back from Debate camp. Thanks to all the reviews. Mistakes is updated as well, for anyone who reads that one. Read, Review, and Enjoy!**

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_Previous Chapter: "Will you stay? Please." I knew it was something he had done with Bella, but he had never done it with me. He thought for a moment and a pained expression came across his face for the briefest moment and he laid down beside me, wrapping his perfect stone cold arms around me once more and I drifted off into a deep sleep._

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Chapter Five

What Hurts the Most…

(EPOV)

She talks in her sleep, just like… Don't do that to yourself. I tried my best to calm down. Kari turned over and was facing me now. Would _she_ have understood? Would _she _have wanted me to move on?

"Love…I love you." Kari's lips whispered. She turned again. Her legs were getting caught in the sheets. She was falling for me. She had fallen for me. Who was I kidding? I didn't deserve her. I couldn't love her and she knew that. I was hurting her, I was killing her. I could see it in her eyes when she found me in Be—_her_ meadow. I could feel the wound where my heart should be. My body started to tremble.

I couldn't take it—this closeness with Kari, the feeling of Bella. I took a deep intake of unnecessary breath. Her scent, Kari's, Bella's, filled my lungs. I could feel the pain inside of me start to expand. I grasped my chest and quietly and swiftly crawled off of Kari's bed.

I closed my eyes and I could remember it perfectly—the night my beautiful Bella left me forever.

_She had gotten so fragile. I could smell her for miles away. I was too late. I was a second too late. That's all it took for them to destroy her—to take away her precious beating heart, her warm pink cheeks, her life. I held her withering body in my arms. I listened as her heart slowed. She died alone. _

_It was hours later that I realized just how gone she was. Her beautiful brown eyes would never look at me again. Her lips would never touch mine again. She'd never fall into my arms. I'd never get to smother her with kisses. I was sobbing over her body. This was it. I had no reason to live. Not after she was gone. _

"_Edward. She didn't want you to kill yourself." Alice's hand was on my shoulder and I just brushed her off and sobbed helplessly into her body. If only I would have been there sooner. If only I had told him…_

"Sorry, Edward. I'll try better next time." Kari mumbled in her sleep shaking my flashback.

What was I going to do? Kari was beautiful, intelligent, and funny; _fragile_. I was hurting her and she deserved so much more. So much more than what I could give. I wanted to give her myself. I wanted to give her my heart. There just wasn't much left to give. She's so used to being hurt, to being let down. How could she have trusted me with her heart? Why did I let her get so close?

I cared about her. That was the important part; she was the only person I cared for in this way, besides _her._ I stood up and went to look at Kari sleeping. She was perfect. Anyone would want her, would care about her, would love her. I've listened to plenty of male thoughts (including Emmett and Jasper) about how perfect she was, how lucky I was. She didn't deserve the way her parents treated her, the way I treated her.

I had to try. I told her I would try harder. I had to give up Bella. The hardest thing I ever had to do was watch her die, now I have to kill the only part of her that I had left. My memories.


	6. Third Month

**AN: Sorry it has been forever and a year. I've been hella busy and I've kinda put fanfic on the side...**

**Thanks to all the reviewers and the people who have this story on alert/in their favorites, you make my day, srsly. **

**And for those of you who read Mistakes, I will try to update it soon, promise. **

**Like always, read, enjoy, and review! **

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Last Chapter:__ I had to try. I told her I would try harder. I had to give up Bella. The hardest thing I ever had to do was watch her die, now I have to kill the only part of her that I have left. My memories._

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Chapter Six

Third Month

I woke up with Edward's arm around my narrow frame. I could smell pancakes being made downstairs. Ilse must have known he was here. I stifled a yawn and stretched my legs out. I was tangled in my purple satin sheets. I covered my mouth and smelt my breath. Yuck. I tried to wriggle out of his grasp and his beautiful musical laugh filled the room.

"Need a human moment?" His velvet soft voice filled my ears. I only nodded and he released his grasp completely. I almost tripped over my covers, but he was there in a flash, laughing again. "Clumsy this morning, aren't we?" I looked down at my feet chagrinned. I would trip the one day he staid over. I walked over to my dresser and grabbed some clean clothes and went into the bathroom.

I let the cold water caress my skin. The water revived my muscles and I started to wake up. My vanilla soap was making bubbles in the bath water. I closed my eyes and held my breath. I went completely under the water and just laid there for a few minutes, letting the cold water wash over all of my thoughts and actions from the previous night. I could feel goose bumps overtaking my skin and knew it was time to get out of the water. I washed my hair quickly and washed off all of the soap suds. I wrapped myself in a towel and quickly brushed my perfectly white teeth. I towel dried my hair.

I put on a brown and white polka dot mini skirt and a white tube top. I walked out of the bathroom and Edward was right outside with his arms outstretched and an odd expression on his face, one I had never seen before. I couldn't tell if it was a happy or pained expression, it seemed to combine the two. I stepped into his embrace and he kissed me swiftly on the cheek.

"Ready for breakfast?" he asked.

"Are you!?" I asked jokingly and exposed my neck. He just laughed and a pained expression crossed his face.

"Breakfast time for the human." He whispered. He grabbed my hand and walked me down the stairs. I almost tripped on the last one, but he swiftly moved in front of me and caught me before I could fall.

"So what are you cooking?" I asked him and he looked at me for a moment.

"Er—well…umm…I could always—"

"I've already cooked something." Said Ilse in her thick German accent.

"Danke Ilse." I smiled and Edward pulled out a chair for me to sit down in and he sat at the opposite side of the table. Ilse put a plate of pancakes in front of me and in front of Edward. A small grin appeared on my face. Ilse stood beside the table waiting to see if we liked it or not. Edward looked at the food and grimaced. I stifled a laugh and took a small bite. "Es schmeckt sehr gut. Das ist genug." I told her and motioned with my hand that she was dismissed so that Edward didn't have to take a bite. Edward wasted no time and pushed the plate of food away. I did the same and he looked at me with a questioning look.

"Normally, I hunt cereal, not pancakes." I laughed and reached for a bowl. I poured lucky charms into it and then added some milk and took out a spoon. The same expression from earlier crossed his face. I poured some cereal into a bowl and took out the carton of milk. I let out a small sigh. "Are you going to tell me what it is?" I asked, wondering what was wrong with him.

"Nothing is wrong." Edward's voice purred into my ear. I turned around to face him and put my lips on his. After a brief moment, he pulled away. "I don't know what's worse, when you are nothing like _her_ or when you are." He whispered, his voice coated with sadness.

I quickly turned away from him, Bella Swan. Of course. The only girl he could never let go, even after last night.

"Edward why are you still here?" My voice was even and empty. I had successfully hidden my pain and frustration.

"Because…Kari. I—love you." His voice was soft and unsure and my heart was beating wildly, already showing my forgiveness.

"You what?" I asked in disbelief, turning to face him now, excitement and joy shown across my face.

"I love you." Edward said louder, his eyes closed and a gleaming smile across his face. I didn't know if he meant it, I didn't know if I cared. In that moment, I dropped my bowl of cereal on the floor and ran to him, hugging him tightly and smothering him with kisses. My legs wrapped around his waist and his arms held me up for support, returning my kisses tenderly.

"Happy third month anniversary." He gleamed, placing me down on my feet and handing me a small box. I opened it up slowly, seeing a lovely silver ring. It was the ring with the two hands holding onto the crowned heart. "I wouldn't have made it this far with out you." He said softly, placing it on my index finger and kissing my hand softly. I could feel chills entrance my body, wanting to keep this moment forever.

"Now come on, we've got places to go." He said, laughing as his eyes noticed the cereal on the floor, "We should probably take care of this first." His eyes held humor and I couldn't stop the beaming smile across my face.

"Ilse will take care of it." I said happily, letting him lead me out of the house and to the meadow that had been theirs.

It's weird to think that we were here. It was _her_ spot. Edward was _her _boyfriend. Lover. No, none of the words seemed to fit to describe their relationship. What was our title? At school he was my boyfriend. At home we were? A car crash waiting to happen? A jealous girl fawning over a heartbroken boy? Or my personal favorite, two people in love with each other. He was even more beautiful here than he was everywhere else. The sunlight glimmered off of his precious skin, revealing little sparkles of diamonds. There was a picnic set up there. It was all very beautiful. And even as we were talking and laughing, pretending Bella wasn't there. I could feel _her._ I could sense her wishing to be me sitting there with him. I wanted to tell her to leave and that she couldn't have him any more, to quit being so selfish, but could I blame her?

All was quiet after hours of joking and teasing. I was lying in Edward's arms, a soft blanket over me. I had never been so comfortable and even as he'd said he loved me that day, I couldn't think of a way to be even more complete. "I love you. I love you. I love you." I repeated aloud, looking up into his beautiful eyes.

"I love you too." He responded leaning his head down to mine, letting his lips rest upon mine. It was that moment that I felt something else, not just the wonderful butterflies of his kiss, not just the wonderful feeling of being in his arms, but something else, I wasn't me anymore. It was as if I was someone else entirely, only I was watching us kiss and I could see the love clearly on his face, but on mine, it wasn't my own. It was someone else—someone I'd seen so many times—someone I could only dream of being. It was her, Bella Marie Swan.


End file.
